Laddie

It's been three years now since you have been gone. And still, it feels like yesterday that you were here; sitting on your old chair outside in the patio, tending to your plants and crops. Complaining about something or other.
You aroused the deepest, yet controversial feelings in those around you. You could be cruel and not considerate and at the same time be loving and charming, with your never ending stories about your fishing expeditions.
I was lucky, I was on your "loved ones" list. And I loved you back so much. I still miss you, still picture you in your "quinta", still realize that you are much needed, you were the head of the family. The man around whom the gatherings took place. You would be happy to now that everything stays the same. Your ten sons and daughters are as together as ever. And you are always remembered with a smile. Everyone has a story to tell.
It was hard for me to let go. I witnessed your last days from a place where I didn't want to be, and at the same time I wouldn't have been anywhere else. I thought you would survive us all. I took care of you as best as I could during your stays at the hospital, I could see you crumpling, I could tell from your uneven breathing that you were leaving us.
And, as your nurse, I wanted you to leave. I didn't want you suffering anymore. I saw no point in continuing intervention. As your granddaughter, I wanted to lay beside you and never let go. The death of a grandparent should be expected, but the pain was so big anyway. Pain knows no reason. And I was brokenhearted.
The last time I saw you alive, I knew it was the last one. And I felt at peace. I did all I could, I enjoyed you as much as I could. You were needed somewhere else.
When you left, I shaved you and removed blood from your nose as you were still warm. The knot in my throat impeded me from swallowing. The tears in my eyes formed prisms. I was in suspended animation. And I let myself cry so hard.
I will always remember you. I will always cherish the memory of you. The pain gives way to happiness and ease of mind, knowing you are in a better place.
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